Ohh, the magic of money. If only I had more, I would be so happy! Do you ever feel that way? If so, you are not alone. Many people spend their whole lives trying to make more money and ultimately find they can never make enough to become happy. Studies prove that happiness is found within, in the pursuit of doing something you love rather than in having money itself. Unfortunately, way too many of us were never taught this little nugget and, when we finally figured it out on our own, it was too late in life to be much help.

Wanting money for the right reasons is natural and something that should not be demonized. Money is neither good nor bad; it is simply a tool. Money is nothing more than an amplifier; if you are a rotten person and you win the lottery, you will be even more rotten.

Supporting our families, putting a roof over their heads, having cars, making our lives easier—are all valid reasons for wanting more money.

Unfortunately, American culture has got it backwards. Today we work more for money and the accumulation of material possessions, rather than finding ​something we truly enjoy doing. When we pursue money for the wrong reasons, it can be harmful to an adult’s psyche. For example, charging a new pair of shoes you can’t afford to your credit card in the hopes that you will “feel good” about yourself is a dangerous way to learn to love yourself and/or life. Teaching our children about Kidmandment #9 should be one of every parent’s top responsibilities. 

​Understanding WHY we need to teach our kids about money is easy; all we have to do is look around. Some people never seem to struggle with money, while others seem to be drowning in negative energy about money their whole lives, destroying their chances for happiness in their worry over money.

Needless to say, teaching our children how to avoid life’s potential potholes is a fundamental responsibility of parenting. That includes showing them—by example—the importance of doing something we love. They need to see us wake up every day pursuing our passions, instead of dragging ourselves to work just to collect a paycheck to survive.

Great Parents teach their children to respect money at a very early age. They do this by teaching them that money doesn’t grow on trees—and reinforcing that they don’t get everything they want. It also means they don’t deserve money simply for being born or living in their house. Not-so-great parents give their kids everything they want, and unintentionally deprive them of the joy (and the experience) of earning money.

Please, don’t get tricked into believing you are doing your children any favors by giving them everything they want. It sets a horrible example and teaches them no values. Instead, allow them the experience of working hard; then, once the job is over, celebrate the achievement by rewarding them with money. Take that connection away and you have done a disservice to your children.

The good news is this can all be avoided. While it seems old fashioned to expect our children to “produce” and “to earn their keep,” this is one old fashioned piece of parental knowledge that simply cannot be ignored.

Once children are old enough to start asking for things, they are old enough to start doing small tasks for which they are financially rewarded. Once compensated, they should be taught the importance of saving a portion, giving away a portion and keeping the balance to spend as they please.

Kids who learn the correlation between work and money grow up appreciating what they have and possess a sense of pride that can only come from earning money.

It’s up to us to see that they are given this opportunity and it is not stolen from them under the false pretense of doing them a favor. Sheryl Crow has a song “Soak up the Sun” with a great lyric, “It’s not having what you want; it’s wanting what you’ve got.” Wow, great advice from a great songwriter!

Children who have always been given what they want are more inclined to struggle with money in the real world. Once they get older, it doesn’t take long to find out that money earned is a direct reflection of their efforts—and they are shocked. While still reeling from that little doozie, they get a double whammy  ​when they find out how much everything costs! This is the same stuff that not long ago was free and easily provided for them. This reality can cause people to become angry, depressed and maybe even feel a little cheated—because they are used to getting a free lunch, which no longer exists. Should we blame the kids? No. The blame belongs squarely on the shoulders of the parents who “spoiled” their children, gave them everything they wanted—and then expected them to magically know how to be responsible once they became adults. And yet, it’s hard to blame the parents who just want their children “to have it easier than we had it.” This is natural and, yet, families who follow this path typically have disastrous results for both parent and child. 

If all this isn’t enough to make you lose sleep, there is one more thing to worry about when it comes to money: Some people grow up believing that the more money they have equates to them being more of a person. Somehow, they associate who they are with their material possessions. Unfortunately this causes them to worry about how others perceive them. How they are seen by others turns into how they view themselves—and round and round we go. No matter what they have or what they accumulate, it is never enough. They will always need more and want something else, believing that when they get it… then they will be happy.

Material possessions are not bad, in and of themselves; it’s only when people define themselves, or when they think they are better or worse than others, based upon what they have or don’t have. When we allow the Ego to drive our emotions and actions, we falsely believe we must “be someone” to be someone. This is a slippery slope that is quite difficult to get off.

Now is the time to teach our children about money and materialism, so they don’t spend years learning it the hard way as adults. One day, they will grow up, be on their own and have to earn everything for themselves. If we are lucky, they will find paths they love that pay them what they want/need. However, if they are not so fortunate, at least they will have learned that money itself is not the key to happiness.

​True happiness is found within, in the giving and in the receiving from the heart.

Native American wisdom offers us the concept of the Wellness Circle. It describes the four most important aspects of life: the physical (what we do) the mental (what we think) the emotional (what we feel) and the spiritual (what we believe).

It is believed that when these four elements work together in proper balance, a person is well.

Wellness is more than just the absence of disease or enjoyment of good health. Kidmandment #8 is designed to create awareness that good health should consider our minds, bodies, and spirits working together. Surely, nothing is more important than our health. Mahatma Gandhi said, “It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver.” Most people would agree with that statement—but how many of us make health a priority in our lives?

As we know by now, if we’re not good role models by living healthy lives, and having healthy bodies, we have little right to expect our kids to become healthy adults. These are concepts that we need to teach. If they see us consistently making efforts to be healthy, that will stick with them for the rest of their lives. This is not to say that parents who are not specimens of health cannot have healthy children; obviously, that is not the case. However, if we are out of whack and making poor health choices, it is highly likely our children will, too. After all, we can hardly expect to indulge in bags of potato chips and beer and think they won’t do the same once they are making nutritional decisions for themselves. 

How do we instill good eating habits in our kids? The answer seems simple since we have total control over their diet while they are very young. During these years, make sure to serve them healthful, age-appropriate foods, limiting sweets and sodas. Make sure they get adequate amounts of protein and low-fat carbohydrates (fruits and vegetables). Please, for the sake of your children, don’t be weak! Don’t cave in and give them what they want. A couple of missed meals as a toddler are far better than a lifetime of bad eating habits.

Sure, it sounds good, if we can do it. But the problem is, not all of us want to do it—or even feel we could live a life without chicken nuggets and fast-food burgers. What then?

All of us can make some gradual changes, for our own sake as well as our children’s. If we are aware of the potential harm we are doing to our children, are passionate about their success, and make it a priority, we will do better.

Even those of us who don’t want to embrace a full-out healthy-eating lifestyle can make some minor positive changes in our lives. And believe me, even small changes add up!

If you’re carrying extra weight and having trouble eating healthfully, admit this to your kids—especially if you use it as a learning experience and explain to them that you will do your best to keep them from making the same mistakes you have made. Good parents tell the kids what they should do. Great parents admit their problems to their children and demonstrate that parents are just as much subject to human frailty as anyone else. This isn’t as effective as setting a good example, but it’s far better than denying what we are doing. Good Parents support children who are struggling with their weight. Great parents do everything in their power to keep bad habits from forming.

Making strict family laws (e.g., “This family is never allowed to eat fast food.”) is usually a mistake. Whenever we outright prohibit something, we make it far more interesting and attractive to our kids. It’s better to teach them that a steady diet of McDonalds is unhealthful, but there’s nothing wrong with an occasional burger and fries. If you don’t make a big deal out of it, your child gets the message: Everything is better in moderation. The point is, we are in control over our diet. I love Zig Ziglar’s quote, “I never accidentally ate anything! “

Some of us are born wanting to play sports and exercise, while others have no interest whatsoever in sports. Much of this, as well as our eating habits and body shape, comes from our genetics.

Knowing this, we can do something about it. For some of us, working out is just that: work. Once again, the answer is moderation. We don’t have to be great athletes to make exercise a priority and stress how important it is to our kids

Living a healthful lifestyle is not a complicated concept. We need to burn more calories than we eat—period. We choose what we eat and, based upon our caloric intake, we choose how much we will need to burn. Every 3,500 extra calories not burned turns into a pound of extra weight. The key is awareness and education. Once you understand how many calories and grams of fat are in the things we eat every day, you can find a form of exercise you will tolerate, if not enjoy. If you don’t, you will add weight every year.

As long as we get ourselves out there and move, we’re on the right path; and if our kids are on the path with us, so much the better. The two biggest health problems we face as parents today are obesity and eating disorders. Both are at epidemic levels in our country—and both are within our control.

One caution; We must be very careful that in trying to teach our children to “eat right,” we don’t push or even intimidate them so much that we end up with children who are afraid to eat even a green bean without being looked at funny, or who throw up their lunch for fear of gaining extra weight. These are the real dangers if we push our children too hard to be “fit and healthy,” instead of teaching them healthful eating habits.

It’s far better to stick with a long-term healthy lifestyle than to ever use the term “diet” in our homes. Though there is an obsession with dieting in our country, diets fail. Having children “diet” is degrading and sets them up for failure when they put the weight back on again—which, unfortunately, is the ultimate result for nearly all diet programs.

If we want our children to grow up happy, healthy, and wise, then teaching them to eat right and exercise must be a priority. The emotional and physical benefits are gifts that will last them well into adulthood—and into parenthood, so they may pass them on to the next generation.

When did words like rules, respect and repercussions (the 3 Rs) become bad words? It seems as the 1900s came to an end, fewer and fewer parents embraced the importance of these concepts.

I am not exactly sure why the 3 Rs went out of style; we all know that once our little babies grow up, leave the nest and get into the “real world,” they are quickly going to learn that the “real world” does indeed have spoken and unspoken rules, respect and repercussions.

Truth be told, these are NOT negative words. In fact, teaching Kidmandment #7 is actually positive—and crucial if we expect to have a happy and healthy family life.

​Families who do not consistently practice the 3 Rs are more likely to experience problems with things like drugs, teen pregnancy, skipping school, ​poor grades and disrespectful attitudes. And when these problems rear their ugly heads, we only have one person to blame.

That’s right, it’s not the kids, it’s us. Okay, maybe not 100%, but certainly a big part of the problem falls squarely on our shoulders.

Sure, you can debate the “nature vs. nurture” argument; but they are living in our home, following our rules and dealing with the consequences we have established. When it comes to raising respectful children, chances are we all have at least a little room to improve.

We might as well attempt to get better since, not surprisingly, most of us will experience these types of challenges to some degree. Awareness of an opportunity to do better (often commonly referred to as a ‘problem’) and accepting responsibility for it is a big part of what is needed to improve any situation.

In order to create as much positive energy as we can, it is important that we communicate what is expected—early and often. When rules are vague and/or not communicated clearly, we create confusion and unnecessary negative energy in the home. Plainly defining rules eliminates any chance for mutual mystification. Kids want to please their parents. Clearly knowing what is expected helps them anticipate consequences and strategize success. The good thing is that we don’t need to have advanced psychology degrees to know what is right and wrong for our families; we just need to be consistent.

One of the rules we need to teach our children concerns manners. Novelist Laurence Sterne once said, “Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners.”

Teaching good manners is not complicated. It is as simple as teaching things like saying “yes sir,” “no sir,” or addressing their elders as Mr. and Mrs. If parents don’t pass down these basic concepts from to the next generation—like looking someone in the eye when talking to them—who will?

Respect for authority is a natural outcome of following rules like this. Although some might disagree, having respect is not a “nice to have” it is a “must have.” This is vitally important because children who have respect for themselves, for the gifts they have been given in life and for others are typically people who are more apt to grow up appreciating what they have. It doesn’t matter if our children are brilliant, talented and incredibly good looking; if they do not appreciate what they have, respect themselves and others, it will be almost impossible for them to achieve “success.”

Unfortunately, when our household doesn’t practice the 3 Rs, we create a breeding ground for a dysfunctional family. Simply put, a dysfunctional family is in a constant state of chaos. None of us wants this for our family, but this is what comes when we have unclear rules, no respect for authority and inconsistent consequences. Just because we kiss our children goodnight, send them to private schools, buy them Prada sunglasses and tell them we love them does not make up for the damage we are doing to them by not teaching the 3 Rs.

So, how do we keep this from happening? Simple. Communicate what is expected and establish boundaries. Just as it is hard to feel safe driving on the highway when you don’t know where your lane ends and the oncoming traffic begins, so it is at home.

There are so many wonderful gifts we can give our children, yet so little time to make it happen. Inspiring another to love to learn and seeing the impact it has on living a truly fulfilled life has got to be one of those gifts—and is why it is the Sixth Kidmandment.

Finding sustainable joy in life is so much easier when we live a life of ongoing learning. The term “learning” encompasses so many arenas of life—far more than just scholastics. Learning has the power to transform us mentally, spiritually, psychologically and physically. Learning allows us to explore new adventures, experience new opportunities, meet new challenges, develop new skills, stimulate our brains, solve new problems, change our attitudes—the list goes on and on.

As human beings, we are uniquely adapted to learn. Our brains thrive on stimulation, and our talents lie dormant if we don’t constantly challenge ourselves. Without growth and new experiences, it is easy to get bored and live an apathetic life.

Raising “successful” children is a very personal thing, and it may mean significantly different things to different people. However, no matter what your definition of “success,” it will be hard to accomplish it without fostering a love for lifelong learning.

By encouraging others to learn, we help them find the internal motivation they seek and the knowledge required to succeed in just about anything they set their minds to. Learning makes us alive!

But if this is true, why do so many of us stop learning so early in life? Perhaps because some were never challenged; and others never found anything worth exploring. Both of these scenarios are preventable when children have passionate parents. However, inspiring others is not an easy task, especially if we are living unfulfilled lives ourselves. It’s difficult to pass along the joy of learning to our children if we have found no joy in it ourselves. But great parents always find ways to break this vicious cycle and give their children something money could never buy.

The good news is this doesn’t mean we need to go back to school in order to be positive role models. Far from it! Whatever you’re passionate about is good enough—as long as you are still learning and growing yourself! If you love to tinker with old cars, or work out rigorously, this will inspire your children to find something they are equally passionate about.

When it comes to being a good role model, there are basically two extremes: teach by example and the choice is up to you. At one extreme, we have those ​who sit around and complain about how “life isn’t fair,” while doing little to change it. At the other are those who are conscious creators of their own reality. These people are the consummate ongoing learners, those who take the time to dream and plan their own lives

Unfortunately, dreaming and planning is not something that you typically learn about in fourth grade—or any grade, for that matter. This is something people usually learn on their own. But it doesn’t have to be that way. We need to teach our children to take charge of their lives by setting goals and taking action to achieve them.

Goal setting and lifelong learning go hand in hand. Goals provide us the direction in which we want to move our lives. They allow us to relearn new ​skills, evolve as people and adapt to new challenges. Physics tells us that an object in motion stays in motion; it could also be said that someone with no goals will have no motion. Can you say “Boring”? 

What is important is that you are aware of your own skill sets in the area of goal setting, so you may decide if you want to or need to improve for yourself and your family.

Please remember, learning is not just for economic or career success. Learning new skills is necessary to handle our ever-changing lives. If we, or our children, hope to thrive in this complex world, we must be able to obtain, assimilate and apply knowledge effectively. Bernard Iddings Bell once said, “A good education is not so much one which prepares a man to succeed in the world, as one which enables him to sustain a failure.”

Failure is a part of life. Children who are comfortable in their ability to gain and assimilate knowledge will be more confident and better prepared to deal with the challenges that are ahead of them.

The key is for our children to want to learn for the joy of learning for its own sake. The hard part is teaching our children how to truly enjoying learning. Typically, it starts with children who have success early on in life. So anything we can do to help our children identify the subjects, sports, musical and creative outlets that might interest them and consequently lead them to victory will greatly benefit them later in life.

Try to understand what they are most passionate about, then facilitate opportunities for them to experience success in those areas. Focus on the positive, and make it fun every step of the way. Remind them that life is about the journey, not the destination. Doing so reinforces the importance of personal growth and self improvement, not necessarily the end result.

When it comes to textbook learning, parents need to understand how their child learns best. Not all kids learn alike. We learn through all our senses; some learn better visually, some through auditory instruction and others through hands-on learning. Some require more than one style to be fully able to absorb information.

Also, different children need different environments in which to concentrate. Find out where your child does best and provide it. Once you have a good grasp on what they are interested in, how and where they learn best, you will have a much better chance of raising children who love to learn.

Good Parents teach their children to read and do their homework. Great Parents teach their children to love to learn. How are you doing? In the end, a child who has a desire to serve others, and learn new skills, will never live a boring, lonely, unfulfilling life—all of us should be so lucky!